“Friend’s of yours, Hethellana?” Rogue Trader Emberlyn asked her personal Aeldari assassin.

Hethellana tested the weight of her blade, not keen on this engagement. “Of course, you’d assume that as a Mon-Keigh. No, they are not friendlies. They are Harlequin players, children of the Laughing God. I have never witnessed them in person before. Emberlyn, I advise caution.”

Emberlyn carefully closed the hatchway, taking the weight of Hethellana’s words to heart. “Voidsman! Get the Inquisitor over here, she’ll know how to handle this situation with caution.”

The Voidsman acknowledged the order and dashed off, shortly returning with the Inquisitor. Inquisitor Stella furrowed her brow, before attempting a confident smile.

“Rogue Trader, I hear that you have a Harlequin problem? I should have suspected that they had something to do with Anomaly N-H 314,” Stella said. “That solves that particular mystery. There have been a few sightings from Imperium ships in this sector, although the grander plan of these Harlequins remains unsolved for now.”

Emberlyn snapped her fingers to speed things up. “Yes, right. Well, they’re on my ship and plotting. How should we best handle this situation? A parley perhaps?”

Stella shook her head. “Your men do not stand a chance, they cannot fortify their minds against these players, a prolonged conversation or close quarters combat with them might cause irritation to the eyes and brain. Might I instead suggest a ranged tactical engagement with much prejudice?”

“And by prejudice, you mean…?”

“Guns.”

“Right, yes of course, I was just about to suggest that,” Emberlyn finished, summoning the breaching team, each carrying a shotgun.

Ten highly trained Imperial Navy Breachers arrived some minutes later. They were the ones who could deliver the element of surprise. By now, the intruders had moved. They followed the motion tracker to Deck 47 and loaded their weapons.

“Breaching point, clear!” Emberlyn exclaimed. Everyone looked at her.

“My ladyship, if I may… you should leave the breaching SOP to us,” Officer Dee said.

“Of course, of course,” Emberlyn replied. “I should trust in your expertise and your… What is that? Hello there!”

She was pointing to the Cyber-Altered Task (C.A.T) unit, a mechanical drone designed only to do the simplest of recon tasks. The extremely limited programing prevented it from being classified as an Abominable Intelligence. It was basically a camera on treads with a retractable arm – good at pinpointing weak points.

“Breaching point… clear!” Officer Dee shouted whilst the Rogue Trader was distracted with the C.A.T.

A Navy Breacher pressed the detonator and the sealed hatch-way… refused to open. As per the breaching standard operating procedure (SOP), another breacher revved up his chainfist and began cutting.

“Your crew is certainly well trained,” Inquisitor Stella said, noting their efficiency against the hardiness of the Illustrious Vexation. They certainly didn’t build voidships like they used to – not even the hatch-ways on this old ship refused to give way.

“Yes, they are far better trained than your inquisitorial agents. A rowdy bunch, aren’t they?” Emberlyn responded, noting the band of misfits standing at the back.

“They get the job done,” Stella replied.

The chainfist jammed, another victim of the indestructible hatch-way. What was it made of? It was making the entire breaching team look incompetent in front of their esteemed Lord Captain! As per the breaching SOP, the next Navy Breacher powered up his power axe and started hacking away.

Just as the tell-tale signs of the Rogue Trader losing her patience surfaced, the bulk-head gave way to the power axe. Another win for the breaching team.

“Now,” Inquisitor Stella said. “Might I suggest-”

Emberlyn drew her Monomolecular rapier and pushed forward.

Stella drew a breath. “Okay, nevermind.”

“Hethellana, introduce me!” Emberlyn said as she jumped through the breach. “Just like we practiced,” she added with a whisper.

Hethellana sighed and followed, raising her sword at the intruders. The Rogue Trader was running out of goodwill and only this once, would she embarrass herself in front of her kin. Never again. “Listen up, weavers of fate! You are trespassing on the vessel of Lord Captain Emberlyn Driftwood, heir of the Driftwood Dynasty. Surrender now and she may practice mercy even to… performers such as yourselves, as is her right as a Rogue Trader… and Mon-Keigh.”

Emberlyn glared at her Aeldari assassin, her eyes shooting daggers. “Yes, it is I, Emberlyn Driftwood.” she pointed to the nearest Harlequin. “To whom am I addressing?”

The Fallen Angel turned to face the newcomers, quickly unplugging a small crystal from the access terminal he was stood at. His agaith split into a sickening grin as he beheld the Aeldari assassin, Hethellana. He spoke directly to her in an archaic dialect of the Aeldari tongue, without so much as a dismissive glance at her present company.

“I did not come in enmity,

I brought a gift of levity,

Alas, if friendship cannot be,

Then I shall play your enemy.”

With that the Harlequin bowed magnificently, flourishing with his iridescent power sword like a duellist of the ancient Aeldari.

Helthallena put herself in between the Rogue Trader and The Fallen Angel, tightening her grip on her blade. Her duty.

“How delightful,” Emberlyn said.

Nine minutes. That was all it took for the Rogue Trader and her crew to be thoroughly put in their place. Human bodies lay skewed across the deck, creeping smiles frozen in death. And the core Machine Spirit of the Illustrious Vexation corrupted. Emberlyn attempted to take the elevator to the command deck, but was greeted with the screen displaying a laughing Harlequin mask and a shaking finger. She was fuming. 

“Greg, ask the engineers to purge the core machine spirit,” Emberlyn demanded.

Greg nodded, his joints whirring as he did so. Was that glee in his green eyes? Nah.

“Is that wise, Lord Captain?” Blim the medic asked. “The machine spirit runs many systems, to simply have it purged would mean we’d require an entirely new machine spirit and weeks of reintegration.”

“When I need your opinion, I will ask for it,” Emberlyn replied. “Hethellana, please send a dinner invitation to the leader who escaped.”

“Lord Captain, why would you extend an invitation to your enemy?” Hethellana protested.

“He intrigues me. Don’t worry, I’m not going to replace you. Just send the message,” Emberlyn said before strutting away, smashing every screen which displayed the laughing face.