“I want to fight an Adeptus Custodes,” Rogue Trader Emberlyn Driftwood said in a determined tone.

Inquisitor Stella, who was sitting opposite her in the Command Sanctum, put down her datapad and pressed her palm into her face as hard as she could. She had no words.

“Think of the notoriety and street cred I would get from besting one in a duel,” Emberlyn added.

Stella took a deep breath, still unable to summon any sensible reply to the insanity that Emberlyn was spewing.

“I heard that a single Custodes warrior can take over an entire world with nothing but their determination. Whereas I need to use a considerable amount of resources and profit to do the same, so perhaps there’s also something to learn from them via a duel,” Emberlyn thought out loud, petting her Kroot pup.

Stella cupped her mouth with both hands. This would not go down well. There was no possible scenario in which the Rogue Trader would benefit from doing this. She could literally die due to this vanity.

“Inquisitor, please issue them a challenge on my behalf,” Emberlyn said.

Stella exhaled, before managing to say: “No.”

“Aha!” Emerblyn stood up from her golden chair. “That was a trick question to ascertain your loyalty. You failed. Besides, I’ve already asked Greg to issue the challenge. I shall duel His Gilded Harriers tomorrow at dawn with my best men. Have at thee! No? Well see you tomorrow.”

Emberlyn exited the Command Sanctum for her daily bathing ritual. Stella gritted her teeth, left alone to her thoughts. This would not end well at all. She needed the Rogue Trader to stay alive, at least for the next couple of months – or all her plans would be for nought.

“She’s tough. She’s not stupid. She’ll be fine,” Stella said to herself unconvincingly.

After the battle against His Gilded Harriers, Emberlyn returned, bloodied, bruised and broken. She had attempted to stab a Custodes, but her Monomolecular cane-rapier could not pierce the golden armour. The duel was a total loss, resulting in Emberlyn waving a white handkerchief and absconding in a plume of smoke. 

“Did you win?” Stella asked Emberlyn with a smug grin on her face.

“No,” Emberlyn replied honestly.

What the crew heard, however, was delightful propaganda, they heard that their glorious Lord Captain single-handedly felled six of the finest Adeptus Custodes in battle, while her best voidsmen somehow broke their legs, arms, torsos and skulls simply by watching at a distance. No mention of an assassin at all.

Emberlyn collapsed on her captain’s chair. Greg the ‘servitor’ handed his Lord Captain a Gin and Tonic.

“Greg, remind me to avoid doing that again,” Emberlyn asked as she held the glass to her head. “What on earth compelled me?”

“Lord Captain, you brought this upon your- zzzzz // [data-retcon engaged] // zzzzz – you are the wisest human sans the Emperor in all of the Imperium and live without regrets,” Greg said in his iconic robotic voice.

“You always know the right thing to say, Greg.”